Quick answer: Whether and when you tell a date you have arthritis is your choice. A short, matter-of-fact explanation often works well. Choose dates with seating at a time you feel best, rearrange honestly if you flare, and never send money to someone you have not met in person. If you take medicines such as methotrexate, use reliable contraception and plan pregnancy with your doctor.
Checked on 10 October 2026 against Report Fraud (formerly Action Fraud) and the government's Stop! Think Fraud guidance on romance fraud, NHS information on methotrexate, pregnancy and fertility and contraception, and NHS guidance on getting help for domestic abuse. This guide is general and does not tell anyone how to run their love life.
Dating can be exciting and nerve-racking for anyone. With arthritis there can be extra questions. When should I mention it? What if I have a flare on the day? Will someone see me differently? There is no single right answer, and you do not owe anyone your medical history. This guide offers practical, respectful ideas for dating on your own terms, whether you are new to dating, coming back to it after a long relationship, or dating after a diagnosis.
Start with you
Arthritis is part of your life, but it is not the whole of you. Before you start dating, it can help to think about:
- what you want: something casual, a long-term relationship, or simply meeting new people
- what you enjoy and want to share with someone
- what your energy and pain levels are usually like, and when in the day you feel best
- what you feel comfortable telling someone about your health, and when
If a diagnosis or a run of flares has knocked your confidence, that is understandable. It may help to talk it through with a friend, a counsellor or your GP first. Our guide to arthritis and mental health covers sources of support.
Telling someone you have arthritis
Whether, when and how you tell a date is your choice. Some people mention it on their profile or early on so it is out in the open; others wait until they know someone better. Some things to consider:
- Visible needs: if you use a walking aid or need to plan around access, mentioning it early can make arrangements easier.
- Invisible symptoms: pain, fatigue and stiffness are not obvious, so a short explanation can help someone understand why you might cancel or need to sit down.
- Your safety and comfort: share only what you are comfortable sharing. You do not need to give details of medicines or diagnoses.
- How they respond tells you something. A good match will be curious and kind, not dismissive.
Simple ways to say it
- "I have arthritis, which means my joints can get sore and stiff. Most days it's fine, but sometimes I need to take it easy."
- "I've got a long-term condition that affects my joints. I'd rather do something where we can sit down, like a coffee or a film."
- "I sometimes have flare-ups, so if I ever need to move a date, it's not about you."
Keep it short and matter of fact. You can always say more later. Our guide to talking to a partner about arthritis covers longer conversations as a relationship grows.
Date ideas that are easier on joints
Choose dates that suit your body, so you can focus on the person rather than the pain:
- coffee, lunch or a drink somewhere with comfortable seating
- a film, theatre or comedy show, booking seats with legroom or an aisle
- a gallery or museum, using the lifts and benches
- a short, level walk in a park, with a café at the end
- a cooking class, quiz night or board game café
- a video call first, if travelling is difficult or you want to get to know someone before meeting
Suggest a time of day when you usually feel best. It is fine to have a short first date and leave while it is going well.
If you have a flare on the day
- Be honest and early. A quick message such as "I'm having a bad arthritis day and need to rest. Could we rearrange for next week?" is enough.
- Offer an alternative, such as a phone or video call, or a shorter, closer date.
- Do not feel guilty. Anyone can have a reason to rearrange. How someone reacts is useful information.
- Plan in rest. If you know you have a date coming up, pace yourself in the days before. See our guide to pacing and energy management.
Questions you might be asked
People are often curious, and sometimes clumsy. It can help to have answers ready, at whatever level of detail you choose:
- "Aren't you too young for arthritis?" "Lots of people think that. There are many types, and some start in childhood or early adulthood."
- "Is it the kind old people get?" "Mine is [type]. It affects my joints, but I manage it with treatment."
- "Will you get better?" "It's long term, but treatment helps and most days I get on with life."
- "Can you still do things?" "Yes, I just plan a bit more. Let me tell you what I love doing."
You never have to answer a question you are not comfortable with. "I'd rather not go into it right now" is a complete answer.
If you use a walking aid or wheelchair
If your arthritis is visible, for example because you use a stick, crutches or a wheelchair, you may find some people make assumptions. Many people choose to show this in their dating profile photos, so that matches already know and there are no surprises on the day. Check venues in advance for step-free access, accessible toilets and seating, and suggest places you know work for you. You can frame this simply: "I know a great place that's easy for me to get to."
A quick date-day checklist
- Choose a venue you know is accessible and comfortable.
- Plan your journey there and back, and keep a back-up option such as a taxi.
- Take any medicines you need with you.
- Wear comfortable shoes you can walk in easily.
- Rest beforehand if you can.
- Tell a friend where you are going and when you expect to be home.
- Give yourself permission to end the date when you have had enough.
Dating in later life
Many people date again in their 50s, 60s and beyond, after divorce or bereavement. Arthritis is common in later life, so a new partner may well understand more than you expect. Take things at your own pace, and talk early about practical matters such as how far you can walk or how you manage mornings. Our guide to honest conversations in relationships may help.
Online dating and staying safe
Online dating can be a good way to meet people at your own pace. Basic safety advice applies to everyone: meet in a public place, tell a friend where you are going, and arrange your own transport home.
Be aware of romance fraud. Report Fraud and the government's Stop! Think Fraud campaign advise:
- Never send money, including vouchers, cryptocurrency or money for investments, to someone you have not met in person, however urgent or sad their story.
- Be wary if someone asks lots of questions about you but reveals little about themselves, or encourages you to keep the relationship secret from family and friends.
- Consider staying on the dating site or app until you are confident the person is who they say they are, and use a reverse image search to check profile photos.
- Be careful about how much personal information you share.
If you think you have been targeted, stop contact, tell your bank straight away and report it to Report Fraud on 0300 123 2040. In Scotland, report it to Police Scotland on 101. Report Fraud stresses that victims are not to blame.
Intimacy and sex
Arthritis can affect sex through pain, stiffness, fatigue or the side effects of some medicines. Many people find ways to have a satisfying sex life by planning for times when they feel better, trying different positions, using pillows for support, and talking openly with their partner. Our guide to sex and intimacy with arthritis has practical ideas.
- Contraception and medicines: some arthritis medicines can harm an unborn baby. For example, the NHS says methotrexate is not recommended in pregnancy because it can cause birth defects, and may affect fertility in both men and women. If you take a medicine like this, use reliable contraception and talk to your doctor before trying for a baby.
- Sexual health: safer sex advice applies to everyone. If you take immune-suppressing medicines, ask your team whether you need any extra precautions against infection.
- Side effects: if you think a medicine is affecting your desire or function, speak to your GP or specialist team rather than stopping it.
As a relationship develops
- Share more about your condition at your own pace, including what helps and what does not.
- Talk about how you would like support, so a partner does not take over or guess.
- Keep doing the things you enjoy together, and find new ones that suit you both.
- Plan for flares together, so they feel less disruptive.
- Remember that partners need support too. A relationship where both people feel heard is more likely to last.
Building confidence
- Focus on what you offer: your humour, interests, values and experiences.
- Dress for comfort and confidence. Choose shoes and clothes that you can manage easily and feel good in.
- Practise saying it. Rehearse how you might mention arthritis with a friend, so it feels natural.
- Join groups and activities you enjoy. Meeting people through shared interests can take pressure off.
- Be kind to yourself if a date does not work out. Rejection happens to everyone, and is often nothing to do with your health.
Dating again after a long relationship or diagnosis
If you have been out of the dating world for years, or were diagnosed during or after a relationship, things can feel very different. Take your time. Some people start by meeting new people in low-pressure settings, such as clubs, classes or volunteering. Online dating can let you get to know someone before meeting. There is no deadline.
Healthy and unhealthy relationships
A good partner respects your boundaries, your health needs and your independence. Warning signs include someone who mocks or dismisses your condition, pressures you, controls your money or medicines, or isolates you from friends and family. Abuse can happen in any relationship, and it is never your fault.
If you are worried about a relationship, the NHS lists free, confidential support including the Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, on 0808 2000 247 (any time, day or night), Respect Men's Advice Line on 0808 8010 327, and Galop on 0800 999 5428 for LGBT+ people. In an emergency, call 999.
Getting support
- Talk to friends, family or others with arthritis. Peer support groups and online communities can share practical experience.
- Relationship counselling, such as from Relate, is available for individuals and couples.
- If low mood or anxiety are holding you back, speak to your GP or, in England, refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies.
When to get medical help
Speak to your GP or specialist team if arthritis or its treatment is affecting your sex life, you need advice on contraception with your medicines, or you are planning a pregnancy. Get same-day help from your GP or NHS 111 if you have a hot, swollen, very painful joint with a fever, or signs of infection while on immune-suppressing medicines. If you feel you cannot cope or are thinking about harming yourself, call 999, go to A&E, or contact Samaritans on 116 123.
Frequently asked questions
When should I tell a date I have arthritis?
When you feel comfortable. Some people mention it early, others wait. If you need practical arrangements, such as seating or access, mentioning it beforehand can help.
What is a good first date if I have arthritis?
Something with seating and a flexible length, such as coffee, lunch or a film, at a time of day when you usually feel best.
What if I have to cancel because of a flare?
Let them know early and suggest another time or a video call. A kind response is a good sign.
Should I put arthritis on my dating profile?
It is entirely your choice. Some people find it filters out people who would not be supportive; others prefer to explain in person.
Can arthritis medicines affect contraception or pregnancy?
Some can. The NHS says methotrexate can cause birth defects, so reliable contraception and planning with your doctor are important.
How do I spot a romance scam?
Be wary of anyone you have not met who asks for money, avoids meeting or video calling, or asks you to keep the relationship secret. Never send money to someone you have not met in person.
Sources and further reading
- Report Fraud: Romance fraud
- Stop! Think Fraud: Protect yourself from romance fraud
- NHS: Pregnancy, breastfeeding and fertility while taking methotrexate
- NHS: Contraception
- NHS: Getting help for domestic abuse
- Relate
Educational information for people in the United Kingdom, not personal medical, legal or financial advice. NHS processes, rules and prices change, so check the linked official sources and speak to your GP, specialist team or pharmacist about your own situation. Charity no. 1218461. Pending clinical review. If you feel very unwell, call 999 or go to A&E. For urgent advice, contact NHS 111.
Continue with related help
- Arthritis medicines and sexual function — what to ask
- Relationships and arthritis — honest conversations
- Supporting a partner with arthritis — for partners
- Parenting with arthritis — family life